Self-Eval

In looking over my work this semester, I am struck by how much I feel I have changed as a student. On the first day of this class, I felt torn. On one hand I was really excited about the material we were discussing, and would be discussing through out the semester, but I also felt a little out of my league. I had never taken a Gen/Sex class before in any setting and the “Wagon Wheel” made it clear that this was a class in which we would be asked to step forward often and with conviction; I wouldn’t be able to sit back and slowly soak up the Gen/Sex foundation that I had been missing. 

I’m so happy that I decided to stay in this class for many reasons, one being that I became much more confident in my abilities as a college student. I am now comfortable speaking in front of the entire class and am proud of the ways my writing has improved, maybe expanded is the right word - I've become able to better express myself through a forum like serendip, through this class. Looking back at my posts, I think the movement really began around the first Webevent.  I began to take control of my experience and learning in this class after meeting with Anne for the first time and in planning and writing that “event.” One thing I both enjoyed and was frustrated by in this class was the open-endedness of our webevents. It was exciting to be able to choose something that I was truly interested in exploring with every webevent, but it was also frustrating at times, like during my second webevent (Biology lesson plans) to realize that I may have chosen a project much bigger than I intended (or could do justice in the suggested space). Nevertheless, it has been refreshing to be able to write on subjects that I feel deeply interested in and excited to share my thoughts about. I've even begun to enjoy the thought that my work is public; I've loved perusing other people's webevents and appreciating the enormous variety in topics and perspectives that always presents itself on the webevent menu.

In my introduction to the class, I wrote that my hope for the semester was that I would “will begin to not only see connections between Gen/Sex studies and other disciplines, but also consider their implications more deeply.” I almost laughed when I reread this because it seems almost impossible to go through this course and not accomplish those goals. Not only have I begun to see these connections, but I have become unable to stop. I have been struck by the lasting effect some of our conversations have had on my thinking, and I have been frustrated on several occasions when I can't look at my old TV shows in quite the same light. This class has most challenged the way I approach science and think about the way science is presented in the classroom. Its been interesting to take this class concurrently with introductory biology at Haverford. We were taught in that class that "men" have XY chromosomes, while "women" have XX. I've spent some time considering the ways that an "intro" class may need to simplify the material it presents, and thinking about what is sacrificed through these choices.

Barad was my surprise hero of the course. I was so resistant to her at first. I didn’t enjoy reading anything resembling physics details without fair warning, not to mention the fact that she asked us to live like electrons (crazy!). But, then, in Week 12, Barad won my heart. We were working in small groups, trying to get Butler, Barad, and Humbach to talk to each other. All of a sudden, I just got Barad, but I needed to read her through Butler’s more tangible arugument. Ever since then, I have felt like an electron.  In all seriousness, Barad has changed the way I think about relationships of all kinds and strategies we invoke in pursuit of justice. I loved revisiting her in this final webevent and rereading her again, finding specific quotes that I wanted to hold on to.

This class also challenged the way I think about identity - my own and that of those around me. I loved Wilchins' summary of Foucault and his thoughts on what we choose to emphasize in our identity and the suggestion that really we are "indentifying" ourselves for the benefit of others. Eli Clare's "the body as home" has been a thought I have carried forward. That thought evokes in me feelings of comfort and grounding, but also what at times feels like almost overwhelming precarity - there is so much space for change.

I feel proud of my contributions to the class both on Serendip and in our physical classroom. It took me a while to get into the swing of things, but by Act II I was feeling so much more confident in small group discussions and was beginning to contribute to the large group talks as well. The biggest breakthrough for me was getting over my need to feel an idea was fully-formed and satisfying eloquent before putting it into the space. I now feel more comfortable contributing partially-formed ideas and enjoying tinkering with them together as conversation moves forward. I also have become much more appreciative of these "half-baked" contributions for my classmates and the room they leave for engagement and input from other participants.

I think that my written work improved in conjunction with my in-class participation. I became a more careful blogger, I can see my thinking become a little more sophisticated and nuanced as the semester sped on. I feel better able to locate points of agreement or disagreement I have had with authors or classmates, and communicate the reasons for these reactions. I’m proud of the growth I see in my writing, and the ways in which it reflects a expanded way of approaching questions.

This class pushed me in wonderful and difficult ways. I feel that I stepped up to the challenge and the risk paid off. I am proud of the ways I have grown as a writer and student in this class. I am proud of the ways that I have expanded my awareness of intersections between all disciplines, broadened my approach to learning, and truly taken this opportunity to explore topics that I care deeply about through a lens tinted by this class.

Have a lovely break everyone!